Time flyes. So expressions say. Today I’ve been thinking about many things... I’ve just come back from vacation with family for 10 days. My hubs family that adopted me 10 years ago.  I’m one of the many grand-kids now, which helps when you come from a family like mine. Broken to pieces, but with so much love, nothing really matters.

I’ve always known about the family you create. The people that make the day to day worth a million bucks, and help you get out of bed everyday. I’ve talked about them many times, and would never get tired of doing so.

But this week, was all about falling in love with the concept of family again. The concept of the people you are related to no matter how different. No matter, how little in common you have, or dislike one another. It’s ties, it’s love. So many people, me being one of them, fights against the feeling constantly. Because letting people in... hurts. Silly enough the ties are already there...So tangible, it took me by surprise.

Last week I got to adore my daughters, and play until we dropped. We stayed up so late...we were too tired to care. I slept everyday of the week with my eldest and my little one by my side. I read stories, swim, play rockband, hugged them so many times I lost count. Told them I love them, zillions of times, to the point they would both rolled their eyes at me. I wished to be able to freeze them in time. Keep them pure, small, so they’ll love me the way I’m. Broken, crazy, confused, insecure. The inexperience mom they got in this package that had no clue what she was getting into... How to make it work. How to make them happy.

My oldest daughter told her cousin, “My mom will totally play with us, I have a rocking mom, didn’t you know? “
Her cousin answered “I know your mom is super- cool, you are so lucky Victoria.”
That  was the most proud moment of my life. By far.
As a parent I live terrified of becoming obsolete, boring. Terrified of becoming too old to understand... To hard to reach...

Still I think of the moments when my kids, kids, might reach out to me someday.  When wise wrinkles take over my smile and gray hair invades my head.
My twin today gave me some sad news. Her grandfather is not doing so well. She is going to be traveling to Indiana to see him. The thought brought back so many things.


I thought about how different my life would have been if my grandma would have been on it. How much more stubborn I would have turned. How much more love I would have known.
At night sometimes i wonder If make her proud. If there is a sly resemblance on the way we think or act. If my mark in this world, would ever, resemble her huge milestone of creating a home out of thin air, for two super high strong little girls. Like my mom and my aunt, making so many sacrifices on the way, even fighting cancer, until it took over her life.

She’s been gone for 28 years. Still there isn’t one day that doesn’t go by that I don’t wish she was here. She gave me life when I was nothing. She gave my mom hope when she wasn’t sure.  She gave me so much love as a baby I can’t seem to forget her, when I shouldn’t even remember her. Isn’t that what love is? The strange sly invisible lines that tie us to one another forever. No matter how crazy or out of the ties we walk, you can see the marks. Feel them in your skin. In the depths of your heart, where nobody else can. It’s your secret. Your painful bargain to bare. To figure out, because you are the only one that knows how it really feels inside.

A year and half ago. My grandfather passed away.  He was my grandmother’s ex husband. He was the man that chose to leave. Chose fancy cars, young woman that were almost his daughters age. He went definitely off the beaten path. Cheated, conned you name it, I’m sure he had done it. Still he was my grandfather, the only one I’ve ever known...

I wasn’t in Buenos Aires when he passed. I wish I would have. My aunt said he was hallucinating seeing my mom and I in the room everyday. Part of me thinks my heart wanted to be there so badly that he could see me. That I was there in spirit, and he knew it.

Still I ‘ve been mad at him for so many things. Things that didn’t matter anymore, things that were beyond us years ago. Fights that weren’t even my own fights. That I was too proud to let go. That I needed to move on from.

I guess it took me this long. To let go. When I saw his place of rest back home in Buenos Aires, and cried like a little girl, I was still in pain. Most of all I was mad. With myself. For being so selfish, so stupid, for not letting him know, how much I’ve always loved him. Even when he was a mess. When he had no place to go. When he had lost everything. When he pulled my passed grandmother’s photos and wallpaper his room, regretting everything he’s done in the last 40 years of his life. Telling me how much he still loved her, and much he wished to be forgiven by her. To deserved her forgiveness someday.

She had been gone for 28 out of those 40 years. Still her ties were there, on him after all the heartache and suffering. All the havoc and despair that break up provoked in my mom and aunt’s life.  The only family I knew for many years. At the end of the day, he choose to come back. Years of mistake to understand love. Years of solitude to believe the feeling existed. To let love walk in. To let love embrace him just like she did a long time ago. To embrace his own kids.

As tears blur my eyes while type this Grandpa, know that I’ve miss you every day. I love you I hope now that It’s written you know it, as much as I have all this time. Know that mom, has been broken since you left, and Lily, hasn’t been the same. That you’ve been missed, and the loss is still there and always will be. That the ties to our hearts are strong no matter the distance, no matter the years, no matter the mistakes. Family remains. Yours stays with us forever, until we meet again. Soon enough. You have always been loved, and always will be.

Yes. After many years of painful suffering I’ve made it. The great 30’s shines like a deer in headlights. Not really sure how I made it there yet. Of why do I have so many mixed feelings about it.  Still the number of 3 decades of Kay memories in this world seems a LOT and too little all at the same time.
I guess my terror all these years has been aging, leaving the 20’s , the gray hair that starts taking over the browns, that crowned your head for so many years. Another fear was being too old for my kids, and not old enough for people to respect my opinions and take me seriously. How many times have I heard ” You don’t know enough about it, You are not old enough... “, “Come on Kay you are in your 20’s how would you know that?”
So here I’m , on the verge of what many call the tip of the iceberg, when it comes to female womanhood. Hum. The Tip, Really? I thought It was the 40’s?
Anyways I decided to look backwards instead of forward. Not because of age... Of course NOT...*giggle* But because of the reasons behind me being able to reach the 30’s. These reasons are people... Peeps that are responsible for me to be turning 3 decades in one piece... (well almost one piece)
Family of course does the trick. But we don't pick our families. We pick to stick with them of course. But families are the bomb no mater how F-tup they are or how crazy yours is compared to others... Believe me mine is nuts. But it's my own. I thank you today. Kay Crazies... you know who you are. I appreciate you for still loving me even when I decided to move to the other side of the continent. Spanish will always be my first language and Argentina my first love. And to my adopted family the "Frasers". Thank you for always making me feel home so far away. For being there when things get thought, for helping us raise two of the best little girls this world is ever going to see. My talented daughters. =) Yes my kids are that awesome. The highlight of my gray hairs... Those 2 little girls,  make me smile wider every day from ear to ear. Sometimes I consider they have a dark talent, I'm unaware of. They actually make everybody smile from ear to ear. There must be something hidden. A secret to their madness...

I was thinking this whole week. My last week on the 20's how many people talks about love as a cliché...More so love at first sigh.
To me there is such a thing as friendship at first sight. The split second in your life, were everything aligns, where the sense of acknowledgement and belonging to this complete stranger hits you like a train. To never go away. After that split second, your life will never be the same. Because you have a new friend.

Friends to me, are your chosen family, the people you personally want to be part of your life. To make it worth while. I believe my friends make this earth a better place to live in , of course, they also have molded my life in so many ways it’s hard to explain.  I’ll do my best to try to explain and make justice to their doing.

Oldest friend ever (Euge Torre, 25 years ago)
We were in first grade. New catholic school... and please don’t get me started. I hated that place. I really don’t know what my mother was thinking. Not a good match for me... at all.  All girl school made it more complicated. All my friends in kindergarten were of course boys and I had no clue how to deal with girls.
I walked into this classroom, my uniform, making my body itchy, feeling like a rag doll.  It suck. I didn’t know anybody.The girls in class seemed to know each other. They talked and chatted and giggled while I walked in. The new girl. The little 5 year old, with fuzzy curly hair, that look like a the wind had tangle her in a nut before class... Embarrassing.
I saw Euge sitting on the other side of the classroom. Her long brown hair, curious round brown eyes. Always so pretty. She was with her friends and looked over her shoulder.  We stared. Everything went silent. She smiled. I smiled back. She left her friends behind and walk to me, the weirdo in the middle of the class, she reached for my little hand, and said.
“Hi, I’m Eugenia”
“Hi, I’m Caro, I’m the new girl” I answered.
“Want to sit by me?” She asked pulling my hand.
“Sure” I answer following her.
That was it. We have been friends for the last 25 years. She knows all my crap  and I know all hers. We have gone back and forth who knows how many times. Still. After 25 years I can say that not many people would ever know me the way she does. Or drive me as insane as she can. Nesquick on my school uniform after our first sleepover, will always stick out like one of the most hilarious memories of my elementary school... Not only I got chocolate milk all over, but she spitted all over my face, when the milk came out of her nose from laughing so hard at me spilling. Yes I had to shower.
Euge, I love you so much it hurts to have you far away, but you already know that. Miss you.

High-school (Victoria Torrens 13 years ago)
I lived in a Bubble. Well honestly I still do. But more so then. High school senior year. I hated myself. I was a Zero. I didn’t want any attention. I wanted people to stay away. Because it hurt too much to have them close. To get hurt again.
My favorite time at school was volley ball. Because I felt I belong to something for at least 2 hours a week.
Still when I made the team... I didn’t have a partner...the communicating part of the sport wasn’t my forte.
Vicka came over quietly with her long blondish hair and her big brown eyes, shy as I was.“Got anybody to practice with?. Want to pair up?” She asked. That was it. Connection.
After that semester. We were inseparable. Every weekend my house or hers. Dated guys that were friends. (Come on, girls have to stick together right?) Still She’ll always be my “PATO”. And yes she still makes that pouty face for me when I go back to Buenos Aires. I still call her “PATO FEO” and we reminisce about our MADONNA Choreographies that kept us going for hours... Poor Julia her mom.
Vicka, you are the highlight of my darkest times, I love you for always giving me hope... Always showing me there is a better way.

After Graduation. (Roxana 13 years ago)
You know when you’ve been your whole life terrified to Fly? Scare that if you spread your wings people might think they are too big and colorful for their taste and shut you down? I was really skittish about that.  Vicka had other groups of friends to hang with. And me well  I was alone when she wasn’t around.  Right before we graduated, I got to meet Roxi’s. Her and I had never been close at school, still I admired her for being such an amazing free spirit. Always glad,  smiling, making jokes, open to others, never caring. She was everything I wasn’t. One day we were out partying and ended up together hanging out. Next thing I know , she called me to spend the night. Next thing I know. I’m calling her 4 times a day.
“How do you do it?” I asked her one day. “Giving a crap about what people say.”
“Honey, I care” She said sincere “Just not enough to let them get to me, I care more about what I think” She said on the phone.
That made my teen life experience worth every second of it. She taught me not to be afraid of who I’m underneath,  that the only approval I need is my own... To close your ears to things that not worth it, or people that only want to hurt you. Because what goes around, comes around... It really does.
Roxy, you change the world I live in, I love you for opening my eyes and see myself for the first time in my life.


Migrating to College (John Fraser, 10 years ago)
I felt it was time for a change. I always had dreams of leaving Buenos Aires. Always feeling I didn’t fit in. I wasn’t part of the “Argentinean Norm”. Not pretty enough, too creative, not ballsy enough. My mouth always too sharp for some people. Plus I wanted a career with no kids. Just plain old weird.
I was doing research online. Looking into schools that would be easy to go to in an exchange program Pronto.  I had a part time job while I was in college, as a designer for an internet site. I was 19. My parents were having a hard time “communicating” to each other, so my weekends were spent at Vicka’s house or Roxi when It came to down to it.
I decided on leaving. My parents agreed to pay for my housing if I paid for my tickets. I said Hell YES.  It definitely was what I wanted. So I started re-searching. Put a list of school together and got in touch with people going to those schools through ICQ. (I know old school right?)  Work gave me a free internet connection from home. Which it was sweet. Plus I was connected at work 24/7 because that was the way departments talked to one another. The editors would send me messages of what needed to go live and I would make the live page and push it. Yes, I was a precautions girl that turned an internship into a full time after 6 month.
John and I clicked with mere words. We wrote e-mials to each other. My English was pretty decadent...I’m guessing he thought it was cute. .. I thought I was lame, of course. Everyday we talked about life. Small talk. Then got into more personal stuff...Our friends, people we were dating... Until.... it didn’t mattered anymore. Then I started to feel jealous of his dates.... Which made me all worked up and insecure. What the hell!!! I mean serious kid, what the hell are you doing? He lives in the other side of the continent.
 Two month later, I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years.  It was just words right?  How can the way someone writes to you.... Mean so much?  His words made me want to take an plane, and leave everything behind. Risky right?  No, Insane.
I got a scholarship at UND, the school he was going to. Yes it was a long shot. No, it was not the best option for me. ( But hey... I was not being rational.. I get it... And let’s not forget it was winter... -50 degrees...Still. I Went.)
I got into the airplane, freaking out. I was terrified. What if this dude is crazy, what if he didn’t pick me up from the airport or something. We were friends. But that’s about it.
I remember grabbing my luggage saying. Please be there , please be there. What if he is a psycho. What if he hates my guts. Most of all...what if he is no cute at all???
Of course we were friends and all but my heart skipped every time I had a message on my answering machine from my all American boy saying “Hey baby girl, thinking about you... Call me when you can...” Yes, we were calling each other long distance sporadically... And my phone bill... Well I think my parents might still be paying for it...
So, an hour after I landed, I was at the food court of the Minneapolis Airport with my bag, reading, something I’ve wrote on the airplane. Poetry....something so bad and unrhymed that I decided to turn into a drawing....I couldn’t sleep, eat or think because, I was so anxious.
I looked up, and saw him walking towards me wearing a big leather jacket. His bright blue eyes and spiky blond hair, made my hands sweat. His frame so big, I wanted to get lost in him. I blushed. Slow down kiddo. I looked down scared he wouldn't recognize me and walk right pass me.
Then I heard the voice I knew so well say “Kay? Is that you?” I looked up. He was smiling so big. My breath caught. Then I knew. This was just the beginning. We hugged like we knew each other from another life. We walked to the car in silence, we didn’t know what to say.. After almost a year of talking every day.. We didn’t know what was next. We tried doing small talk.
He held the wheel one handed. Every 5 seconds, I would caught him staring. I would giggle, and he would say.
“I can’t believe you are really here...”
“Get use to it” I said every single time. I guess he wanted to impress me, so he took me right to the mall of America. He opened my door, and held his hand for me to get out. I held on to it tighter, scared everything was going to disappear and I would wake up alone in my bedroom at home in Buenos Aires.  I grabbed his other hand and made him stop in the middle of the MOA parking lot. I think I asked something stupid like...
“Are you going to kiss me or what?”
He nodded. And he kissed. Kissed me like life depended on it.  I think my legs were shaking and my hands ended up someplace in his hair while I stood up in my tippy toes. Of course, after that I also knew something else. My single life was over. This was the life I wanted for me. The way I wanted to feel for the rest of my days. In love. Secure. Amazed. Moved. Connected. Beautiful.
John Bear, thank you for being my best friend. I love you with all my heart and after almost 10 years of marriage, I can say that was the “ah ha” Moment of my Life.

Nanny Much? (Euge Pitufa Torrens ,11 Years ago)
She was my best friends sister. She needed a place to stay in the states for a couple months. I needed a nanny. I always thought she was SUPER COOL. Well because she is of course. She says so all the time. We are both June children... so when we fight the world goes into chaos. NO SHIT. Imagine my house. My older daughter still believes she is dating Justin Timberlake, and she could sing Cry me a River, before she could crawl.
One night we came out with this concept of ...
"Sueño con momentos" Yes, I said it with my cheap soup opera voice, that made her cry of laughter...
Euge helped believe in my talent for design enough not to quit college, when I was exhausted... When I was ready to quit ... when i thought my part time gig, the baby, and home, was too much. She stayed up with me, for hours when i had finals keeping me company... And as she call it, "She taught me to be fashionable." (whatever helps you sleep at night sweep pea)
Pitufa gruñona... You are the example of family that I've chosen. Love you long time. Let's do it all over again, want to move up?

College US. (Jess Kroyer, 8 years ago)
I was exhausted. We were in illustration class with John Thomas. Yes the name says is all... Boring. He talked to much, we did too little. Still I was there to learn. John and I were married already, and had a 1 year old daughter Victoria.  I was different from most kids at school. I was there because I really really wanted it. Even though it made no sense, I had a kid... And everybody was thinking that I was crazy for attempting to finishing school before John did. We didn’t care. I needed to prove them wrong. I needed to finish even if I didn’t sleep at night for 2 years. It didn’t matter.
I was in class trying not to fall asleep.  I look over next to me and see this girl, staring right at me. I give her a face saying, what are you looking at.  She stared some more, unafraid of my bad ass stare. (Yeah I’m not scary, even when I try really hard.) She actually looked pretty bad ass, herself. Blue bandana in her hair, 10 piercings on her ear, her pen hitting the desk annoyed.
I looked at her again and rolled my eyes at John Thomas, standing up front. She nodded . Like saying . “I know... Kill me now”
I grabbed a piece of paper, and wrote. “God can this be over now?”
“You read my mind” She wrote back.
John Thomas said.” Get into pairs, get this project started”
“Got anybody to work with?” I asked turning to her.
“Nop, I’m Jess”
“Kay... Nice to meet you” I said waving her off.
That was it. We were our own click. Jess was my first real american, true friend in this country after John of course.
We’ve been BFF’s for 7 and half years. She knows all my kirks... We travel together to the moon and back. She feeds my imagination, makes me fly when I felt my wings got clipped and I shouldn’t try any longer. She held me up when I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry myself to bed.
She is the reason I made it through the hardest moments in my life in the last 3 years. She kept me sane, centered, loved, and engaged with life, when all I wanted was to quit. Instead of letting me get away, she took me away with her.
When I decided to write she said "Why the hell not" and she is the one that read things first hand, and tell me.. "Uhm... Where the hell did his shirt go? I don't get how he made it from point A to B... " Or she gets to laugh until she cryes when I write hilarious stuff with my english as a second languange disability. =) Well we both cry once she explains to me what the hell she is laughing at. She knows me through and through... With my bad ass attitude, my dirty jokes, and spanglish sayings.
Jessy, you are the brightest light that’s ever touched my soul. Please don’t  ever take that away from me. I don’t know what I’ve become without you.

College Partner in Crime (Amy Dusek, 6 and a half years ago)
I've been in school for 2 years. We were in an extreme design class together. She looked like the stereotipycall designer. Everything about her was cute. So cute it made me want to give her a hug. Plus she was freaking brilliant. Color was her language, and type only accented whatever she did.
She is one of the most talented people I've ever met. Design runs in her blood, she blinks and constructs. Creates. Builds. Amazing stuff.
Anyways I had the pleasure to work with her at school in a project, that turned out to be amazing.
Amy and I were two peas in a pod, creating, pushing each other. We went for coffee breaks and talked design like no one's business.
She was my inspiration, and we would push each other harder. Make our contributions grandiose and hopefully someday make this world a more beautiful place to live in. I still secretly hope someday we get to work together, because i know what it could be like. Because people like that are one in a 1000. Aims how Can I convince you to apply at Stone Arch? Pretty please?
 
Work Life (Beth Bracken aka Brezenoff,  5 years ago)
Have you ever meet your nemesis? Mine had a name. Beth. I had been in publishing for a year. I was really new, and the first designer in our little imprint. Stone Arch Books. My daughter Victoria was 3.
Beth, was the new hired editor, from New York.  I was like OMG, this girl is going to be such a snob. Look at that, her fiancée sent her flowers before she even started to work here. WTF? Serious? Those New Yorkers..
Then we met. Sometimes the connection with another person is so intense, it makes you feel completely insecure, until you figure it out. I thought she hated me. Actually I thought she was going to be the death of me. Both of us so complicated, so emotional.... You can imagine. Was like throwing two cats in a box and let them settle things out.... You might hear them scream for a while... But then... It was silent.
We clicked and realized our problem. I was the peanut butter without the jelly, and SHE was my JELLY.  Together at work, we make the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich you’ve ever eaten... Serious. We complement so well sometimes, people dumps projects that are impossible, ridiculous and ambiguous. Still we stick out for each other to keep a grip, keep us floating, engaged.
She is my writing mentor. I quit my job at Stone Arch for 10 months, and went to NBC. I was miserable. Unhappy. Bored... Unchallenged. Beth always kept me going. I became a read-aholic.  Our daily emails were.
“What are you reading now?” She wrote.
“City of Ashes” I answered
“So?”
“I love the storyline, love the characters, but why girls have to be so whiny and skittish?”
“Hum... don't know...Why don’t you write your own story if it bugs you so much” She asked me.
“Umm I don’t know... ‘Cause I don’t know how?”
“I would give it a try Kay. Serious.  Just start with a list of things about your main character you might want to know... Kind of like you do in facebook a 25 things about you...kind of deal...”
There is my YODA, my Jelly, the voice of knowledge. Always knowing exactly what to say to push me forward... Make me try something different. Something new. Adventurous.
“Kay you love words, what harm can you do trying?”
If you want to guilt someone of my obsessive disorder for writing. It’s all Beth’s fault. She encouraged me when I didn’t believe it possible. When I thought I was never going to be good enough. When quitting felt like the right choice... She had faith in me when I had none. I struggled to finished it. Beth said...I’ll let you know when you are done... A day later she got teary with the last 10 pages I had written, I thought my first novel was actually completed.
She looked at me with those inquisitive blueish green eyes and that smiled that makes you feel like you are worth a million bucks.
“That was the ending!!”  She said.
My heart felt sore I was so happy, not because I finished it, but because I made her proud...
For knowing that the hope and effort she had invested on me, was worth something... Plus it proved her right... Which....Most of the time she is... But please don’t tell her I said that.
She took the time and ate up every single one of the pages I wrote... I’m sure they must have hurt her eyes, and her right hand was having a hard time staying away from grabbing a RED PEN and write all over it with edits. Still she said she was reading it for pleasure.
Pleasure.  She thought reading what I wrote was pleasurable. When you are a little no one, wanna be writer like me, that struggles writting on her second language, that is the biggest compliment anybody can ever give you.
She also said not too long ago “Kay you are such an inspiration...”
Beth let me tell you something..
YOU ARE MY INSPIRATION. You are the person that introduced me to doing what I love the most.  Connect with words. Connect with Life. I wouldn't have found it without you holding my hand every step of the way.... I have no words to thank you, and explain what you’ve done for my life. what you’ve done to the Kay I used to know before writing.
THANK YOU. We are synergy on wheels. But you’ve already known that for a long, long time. I Love you with all my words. (160,000 of them.)

Good Neighbors (Corissa Nolen, 3 years ago)
We moved to a new house in the outskirts of town. The west south side. A year later We got new neighbors across the street. That’s how I meet Corissa and Cameron.
Core-face and I stared at each other from across the street in many occasions. Speculating what young people like us were doing in the neighborhood... We are the youngest in here... Everybody else is 40 +. Yes say it...I was 26 when we moved into this old folks home. =) Whatevet We love it. We are old.

There was something about her... Deep inside I was so curious... Wanted to know more. Our kids became BFF’s. Serious BFF. Victoria is 8 and Carlee is 6. Core face adopted me like her younger sister. Now in her family I'm the kid btw her and Katie.  She is my motherly figure that is there 24/7. She cooks for me, keeps me company when the hubbs is gone on business... and to top it off reads every page I write.
She was my first reader ever. Well after Beth and Jess of course.
She is the person that called my cell at 11:45 after finishing the last page of the novel.
"Shit Kay... OH MY GOSH... This is it!"
When in actuallity what should have been said was...
"Oh My Gosh Corey, you are it!" She is possitively the sweetest person I've even met. Because she is good to the core, the irony to of her name right? She loves so much, she is the kind of person that gives warmth with her smile, makes you feel pleased and happy, when she is around. You will always feel accepted, and will always be loved.
Core face, loving life is the biggest gift anybody can offer. You got it girl... You are that special. Never ever forget that. I love you.

Writing Conference (Sylvia Fisher, 2 month ago)
So I decided to go to my first writing event. I was terrified. Not only because I felt it was a HUGE step, but because I didn't know what to expect. I walked in to discover, I was the most scary person in there. I was wearing neon green, shirt my chucks that matched the shirt, my hair down, and my rubber flower was on my hair.
I sat on query class... Feeling weird. Everybody else looked like my mother. I started doubting myself. Wonder if I should really be there, until someone rush in 1 minute late.
"Sorry do you mind if I sit next to you?" She asked.
I looked up. We looked identical. I mean I'm not kidding. Same hair cut trimmed tight around our face, dark hair. She had a bright red shirt, and a necklace with a "R" hanging on her neck. (Roxanne, of course) Now I know.
"No, go ahead" I said letting her walk in and sat next to me.
We listened a took notes. Staring at each other from time to time. There is no coincidences in life. I do believe in destiny. The teacher asked us to pair out, and talked about our stories.
"Hi, I'm Carolina " I said introducing myself "I guess we'll be working together, everybody calls me Kay though"
"Hi, I'm Sylvia... Nice to meet you Carolina" She said, pronouncing my name right the first time she tried. Heaven. I go by K because nobody can pronounce my name right in this country. She did without any effort.
We both stared in Silence. A silence that expanded. Is like we knew what was coming next...

"Hi" we said again in unison. Since that day... We've been Embryo Twins. I've meet my match. We are both mix kids. I'm half Spanish, half irish, Sylvia is half Filipino. I thought I was loud. Uhm you haven't met Sylvia. I thought my brain was wicked weird... We are both heading the race head on.
Yet our writing styles are opposites. We compliment each other in so many ways... Her writing strong, ornee, descriptive, twisted, snappy and smart. Mine, rough, harsh, emotional, sick, intriguing, impatient. Perfect mesh. Who knows what we can do together someday. I believe in her talent so badly , I think she needs a book deal right now. She knows I'm not in it for getting published but to the get the story the right way... She believes I'm too skittish about my writing, and to hard on myself... She became my copy editor after reading the Prologue.
She is one of those people that I wonder how could I gone almost 30 years without in my life. I have no answer to that. I just know I want to keep us this way until the end of time.
Sylvia, you inspire the uninspired.. you could wake the dead, and make mice march after you if you put you mind to it.  Whatever that is. I'll be right next to you, every step of the way. Love you short time, but this is just our beginning... and we both know that.

For those who made it this far... woot!
I know this post is extremely long, and most of you will not make it all the way to the bottom. Still I wanted to tell you how thankful I'm for having you in my life. If it's any consolation... When You lay awake at night wondering what the hell am I doing here? ...You are changing the world. You had made my life that much more amazing and I'll always be thankful for blessing me with your friendship.

 Happy 30th Bday me. Cheers,

Kay

 

Kay

Day 2: Only something like this would cross my mind. Comparing the symmetry of old buildings with relationships to lovers, that can't touch, but remain in perfect balance.

I hope you enjoy it. =) It says...
"Staring at each other,
is perfect symmetry
without a touch, without a sound,
tame balance / reflection / belonging
find yourself in someone else's image,
the beings that united become one life, one landscape,
so much more than one"

The picture was taken one gorgeous afternoon in Soho, NYC. I hope you enjoy my life symmetry rant.

Until tomorrow! 2 Done 28 to go!

Kay

I heard of this challenge last week.. Many amazing designers I know are doing it... I know, I know, don't do it because others do right? But I see it as an incentive to think creatively outside of work. With other things I love to do... as much as work. =) Like in this case Photography. So I said why not? I can do something different everyday, no matter what right? Keep the mind young? For 30 days until my "30th date"
Here is my post on day 1. A picture taken in NYC.  Across from Brooklyn into Manhattan. I hope you enjoy it. =)

Cheers to creativeness in our lives. It should drive our existence.

Be ready I should be posting something new every night. 1 down 29 to go.

Gracias!

Kay

  It's been almost 10 years since I met him. He's changed my life forever. Gave me a family and a home. So in honor of that freekish amazing adventure... we are still living in. Drum roll...I decided to write to my Hubbs a full little black book of reasons why I love him.
For a month, I wrote a verse a day. No connection btw them really, random thoughts about us. Yes it's the corniest thing I've ever done in my life. =) Some might gag at it. (Sorry guys) Seriously proud of my intoxicating word usage virus. Shamelles girl possesed by a guilty pleasure. Writing. But only because it felt right to.

Here is the little BLACK BOOK story...
We were in the kitchen and I offered the book to Hubbs. He took it and blank stare at me. My cheeks blushing fire red. Yes, those eyes still make me blush.
"This is for me?" He asked confused" Baby I don't write... You know that..."
I smiled and said. "I know...but I do... For you... " I pointed at the book in his hands "It's full of reasons why... We make sense."
He raised that right eyebrow that quizzes me constantly and said. "I'm glad you think so Angel..."
"I think is the corniest thing ever..." I said shyly. "I mean Corney with capital letters"
"It's ..." He let out serious "Love it ... Best gift ever..." He said sitting at the table. He sat and read. It was the longest time I've ever seen him reading. Eyes lost in space. "Best gift Ever" He repeated.

My heart felt sore. The most personal gift I've ever given anybody. for $ 2.99 and 30 days of tracking random thoughts of reasons why.
Here are some of my fave lines. 

Linger by Maggie Stiefvater

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

How do you start the review of one of the best books you have ever read? Do justice to it? I'll do my best.
Linger is the story of Sam, Grace, Isabel with the introduction of a new character to the mix, Cole. I don't believe in spoilers.I believe in telling people the reasons why this book is such a need for readers of the genre. Here it goes.

Words describing what to expect.
Grace: Changing, Unpredictable, Strong, stoic, beautiful as ever, In pain, loving, considerate, and for the first time extremely risky and disobedient. (cheers to that Grace)
Sam: Skeptic about his cure, deep, loving, sensitive, growing, maturing, evaluating life and it's possibilities for the first time.
Isabel: Being Isabel . =) Direct. Without filters, cold detach, consumed, lonely, reaching out, needing to feel something, trying to connect.
Cole: Learning, expanding, converting, unlocking, hiding, hating, unmasking from the inside out. Trying to tolerate his own reflection. Moving on. Forgetting.
Now mix them all together, shake the bag. TATA. MAGIC.
In Linger Maggie's beautiful writing takes you from one narrative to the next, making the story seamless, never boring, always moving forward. I read the book in one sitting. 4 Hours ignoring the world because I couldn't put it down.
I was given an ARC by a friend, we both had been counting the days to receive it. Then when we got it I was terrified to read it, reason being... Afterwards  I had to wait a year to know what's next. Totally worth it... I have 12 months of re-reading to do. =)
Linger is an amazing second installment for this trilogy. This second book makes the trilogy's concept stronger, the characters more colorful, human, deep and believable. Maggie takes you for an amazing ride, going through Sam's heart felt emotions, Isabel's constant needs for security, Grace's changes from the inside out, and Cole. Well... You get to meet Cole, and all I have to say is ... What a first impression. Burned out rock start, that will blow your mind... In a good way.
I LOVED LINGER... I highly recommend this book for lovers of well written and thought out YA. Paranormal that are tired of reading the same old. This is IT. View all my reviews >>

Hello world,
It's been a while. Why? I've been working in many goodies coming out in the next month or so. Doing the CRAZY INSANE HOURS. The things we do for our Art.
The fun part of this season compared to others, is that some of the books will extend from the Library Market into retail bookstores!!! Pretty insane, and exciting. TRADE here we GO! So hold on PEEPS.
So what's Up? Other than the ceiling, many things. I've been writing, concepting books, Art Directing, and Designing = HAVING A BLAST.  Being Me. Working with ridiculous talented people everyday. I know I'm lucky. Stress is High, not going to lie. But who cares. There is always a challenge. My brain seems to feed on it constantly.
I wanted to share with you the new babies that are about to come out for our new line of Picture Books. The images you are about to see are from our soon to be release  Picture Window Book, Capstone Fiction, from the title Crabby Pants.

The concept started a 3 month ago. Went through revisions, The first idea was having Roger , the main Character standing instead of the letter "n". But It didn't flight. =0

The Illustrator is a RockStar, Richard Watson from the UK. He is one of the most talented and easy people to work with, his style blows my mind, the emotions in the characters are ridiculous.
This book is going to be pretty sexy at the end of the day... Trust me. I made it. =)

Until next time my friends... More of these treasures to come. Show and tell Thursday is done... so I'm out!

-Kay-

Hourglass by Claudia Gray

My rating: 3 of 5 stars
I'm starting this review by saying how big of a fan I'm of Claudia Gray's books. Things I love about this book, is that it picks up right where the last one left off. No intro rumbling about who they are what is going on and Guess who deal.

In the third book Bianca follows Lucas by the hand of the Black cross until they find out, the truth about Bianca.
I'm not going to tell much of the plot overall, i don't believe in reviews with spoilers.

Love the beginning of the book, but plot wise I was hoping for amazing fireworks, to feed into the story like i did on the first 2 books.
Difference to me this time? I'm not sure... There was a missing secret ingredient. I'm still trying to figure out what and why.

I still recommend the book for lovers of the genre and the Evernight series, I bet you are all waiting to see what happens next. Where would the story go from here? Anywhere... That might be my biggest struggle. Characters lost part of the initial wow that made them so special to my eyes. Still there is always the next book. Like a good follower =) I can't wait to read it. View all my reviews >>

From a design perspective i have to say it's my favourite design so far in this series. Love the monocrome grey with the hot pink title. No sure if they all work together, as a strong brand color wise, but they do through imagery, We'll see what comes next. =) 

Gone by Lisa McMann

My rating: 4 of 5 stars
I was super lucky to get ARC copy of this book to read. I've been waiting for months just like the rest of Lisa's fans, patiently. I got the chance to meet her, in one of the readings of her tour. Amazing treat.

Here are my thought about this book. From all 3 books on the trilogy Wake has to be favorite, the plot was really outstanding. Keeps unfolding until it chokes you, and you can't breath until you figure out the puzzle.
But Gone was different. Gone is the story of Janie's final decision. She has two choices with her gift. Reclusion and safety. Or Social life by the hand of becoming a cripple taken over by blindness. This book is not solving a crime, getting the crooks to come clean, or being the narc she was on Wake. This book is about growing. The narrative felt different, more adult, even the tone in some cases sounded more like a grown up Janie. She deals with her mom's alcoholism issues, a new found character that lays on a bed, but has so much in common with her, DNA being biggest one, that makes it hard not to relate to her pain, and her struggle. What can you say to someone that meets her dying father, after 18 years of knowing nothing about him, to find out that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Not far at all.

Janie decides. Takes the biggest decision of her life when everything she's known collapses under her feet, learning a new truth. What is that? You are going to have to pick this book to find out!! I'm not giving anything out.

Even thought this book is the perfect closure to the trilogy, and doesn't leave you hanging at all...as a reader, I was hoping for more. I love Lisa's writing, I'm a HUGE Fan. I guess I wanted more from the plot to self discovery, feel like I was  part of it, finding new things about her relationship with Cabe, her own self rightness, her father, her relationship with the captain, and her mother's struggles. Instead I found myself detach from time to time, like Janie was trying to get away from me too, but maybe is all set on the readers perception, maybe that's something that only happened to me while reading and not others.

Still the Dream Catcher series, is definitely a must read. I think the book is great and fans of the series will be enjoying this read. Gone will be released on February 9th 2010. Enjoy!! View all my reviews >>

From a design perspective, I love the simple take on this books. I was a big taken by surprise, when the first 2 books were on the blue color pallete, and this one was Green. Still I think the Gone refers not to Janie directly but her father being gone from her life... So the different take on the book colors make sense. I guess I'm one of the only people that has those kind of questions in mind right? Maybe?

Cheers. My friends. Later gators.